Well.. I hope I can express myself clear enough in english first.. heh.. and second, I wanted to thank Critty for coming up with all of these interesting sections!

So.. I'm sure everyone of us, at some point, feels a bit unconfident and insecure about his own image.. whether you don't like your look that day or don't see yourself as interesting or charming enough.. I'm sure we've been through that.. It happens to me.. increasingly, lately. :(
So.. what to do when you feel like needing a little boost for your self-esteem? I think that a person who oozes sex appeal is actually oozing.. self confidence. not being obnoxiously arrogant, just confident. The most desirable persons I know are just that.. confident. And also smart and funny and.. outgoing, but self confidence has a lot to do with it..
Any tips on that? :)

Last edited Oct, 05, 2008 by Lolita

Lolita - your English is perfect and you express yourself so well! My one piece of self-confidence advice probably won't help you much at all, but it seems to grow as you age. The older I get, the more comfortable I get "with me". But I imagine, you don't to wait 12-15 years solve your issue. Is there a certain time you notice when you feel less confident? Is it around certain people? Or a certain situation?

thank you critty, you're always being so nice..

well, indeed... there's this situation when I keep underestimating myself.. Usually, I'm not like this, as a matter of fact people tend to describe me as confident and determinated, but.. I keep comparing myself to other girls. I don't feel as interesting as they are, as stylish or hip as they are.. it's not about certain girls, but.. those girls who have that 'underground, vintage, eccentric and oh so stylish' vibe.. the urban kind.. i think they're wittier than I am, more interesting than I am, captivating so to speak.. and I'm working on that, I'm trying, but.. it's kinda tough, you know :)
I'm just not shallow, and I keep analyzing things.. to the point where I can't really tell what's real and what I have created in my head, and I have days when this.. unconfident mood lingers..

I know this probably won't mean much, but take it anyways because I am old and you should listen to your elders ;) Those other girls are also wishing they were as stylish and hip and witty as you . We are all just souls trying to muddle through life and etch out our place in the world. You are fabulous and every bit as witty and cool as they are, probably even more so. We think so anyway!!! Have you read A New Earth? I think you would find it very interesting, I wish it was around when I was your age!! (((hugs)))

Critty, you know what? i'd really really wish to have a friend like you in real life!
now i think i got over that bad phase i was going through, feeling low and everything, but i know it won't last forever.. i have finally understood that those people were not suitable for me, but.. still :)
A new earth.. i haven't heard about it, but definitely will. i'm sure they might come in helpful, Critty.. thank you! again >:D<

I am glad you are felling better!! Surround your fabulous self with only fabulous people - you deserve it!! Who's the dude in your pic??? ;)

yesssss! well, he's my boyfriend :) 9 months and counting :P
I confess he had a lot to do with me having a better view on the world, I love the fact that he knows how to be there for me when I need it. and viceversa :D

I'm actually going through a rough time myself, and over the course of the past year I've been going through this yearning to go back to myself when I was about 20. I was more hopeful, more fun, less afraid. Now, I don't want to go back to being stupid, but the journey I've traveled hasn't been the healthiest, and I'm working hard to get back to me.

Another problem is that I've never been a very confident person.

I find it very hard to reconcile what I consider to be "the real me", with the me who has been colored and affected by the experiences I've had.

Valatia, sorry you are going through a rough time :( Not to sound like a deranged lunatic or anything, but if you are really trying to get back to the "authentic you", I really recommend A New Earth. I have been reading it forever, it is not an "easy read" and it has caused a lot of reflection about who I am and who my ego is. I can't recommend it enough! There is series of webcasts you can watch on Oprah.com http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahsbookclub/ane... which are truly amazing. I think you might really find it helpful.

are there any excerpts or something from the new earth, online? I cant seem to find anything..

Amazon lets you look in the first part of the book http://www.amazon.com/New-Earth-Awakening-Purpo... or just go to the Oprah link above and watch one of the webinars to get the flavour :)

Critty,

That's totally not deranged. I love to read those books, but I really have gotten out of that, which is not good. :oS I am definitely going to check that out though. THANK YOU!

We all go through rough times, so I *know* that mine is nothing special, and it will pass eventually. I may have to take action, I may not have to, but I will weather thought it. :)

Hi,
I am an eighth grader...and there is so mch pressure on me to conform to anything and everything I'm not...like...I get made fun of a lot about my...erm..."flatness of the chest" but what helps me is to say, "Well, this is the way God made me, so if you don't like it, take it up with Him." They kind of have to shut up when I say that. :)
But still, I mean it stings on the inside...
Guys are jerky at my school, and find it funny to call girls like me fat and ugly. I don't have no self confidence but I'm not like...REALLY self confident...so whenever I get called fat even though I only weigh around 85, I want to lose wight.
Help...?
<3 Alyssa

omg, alyssa, i've been through that too (even though it was a looooooong time ago), and.. trust me, everyone did, at some point :) No worries, you're not alone :D
You must be 13 or 14 now, so the boobie thing shouldn't concern you.. you're still growing, you have plenty of time to develop, and you must give yourself time to.. grow :) Trust me, everyone develops differently, in their own, natural, biologycal rhythm, so there's no reason to put pressure on yourself. Things won't stay like that for too long.. And the chest continues to.. change until the age of 18-20, so don't worry about that.

And about the weight issue.. the only thing that matters is that you feel comfortable the way you are. Most girls your age say that purely by envy, they're crying their own frustrations out loud. You should only care about what people who really matter tell you, not those shallow, stupid bimbos :) I know exactly that type of girls.. They're really not worth it. They're unsure of themselves, and try to balance that by making other people feel bad, totally pointless. Don't give them this satisafaction..

Lolita has some good advice there. One thing you learn as you get older (and I am really old!), is that people who put you down, do it to make themselves feel better. Those jerky boys are probably worried that their "boy parts" aren't growing yet, or enough, so they put you down instead. I know it is so easy for a grown-up to just say "ignore them" and you have to live it every day, but trust me, when you are older, you won't even remember their names. Try to learn to really like you, as a person and appreciate all of your strengths and not focus on negative crap. I am sure not many of your classmates have their own perfume blog!!! :)

well.. I hope I'm not being sickeningly pathetic.. but.. even though my confidence problems were never related to my looks (thank god!), I.. feel that I have to work at a deeper lever, which is a little trickier than trying to get over some physical complexes.. well.. to put this briefly.. I'd desperately need some advice.. It's just that I feel tremendously boring, limitated and I think my personality isn't interesting at all. I have no idea why, but what I know for sure.. it's that I'm not like that, it's wrong to think that way, it doesn't do me any good, things won't get better, I know. but.. what can I do?! I have to sort out the new earth thing, but.. in the meantime.. any suggestions? Thank you.

edit: I want to pre-apologize if I annoy someone with crying out loud my problems.. this whole thing isn't something that I cope with easily neither.. :D

Oh Lolita, although I don't know you IRL, just from your words and pics I think you are facinating, interesting and very intelligent. But of course, what I think, some random old chick half way across the world does not count does it? What makes you different from other people? What are your passions in life? I just read a book on passion, and it recommends you ask people in your life that know you well what they think you are good at and/or passionate about. Can you ask some good friends what makes you special, passionate, interesting? I bet they will come up with some things you would never have even thought of yourself. :)

I think all of you are beautiful and interesting, and I don't even need to know you IRL! I find myself talking about you guys to my husband and I will be like "Yeah, and Alyssa did this perfume review on Cinnabar and she is in 8th grade! Isn't that awesome?" And he will say "who are these people? How do you have all these new friends all of a sudden?"

Young ladies like yourselves that take the time find out what people are reading or listening to are so much more than the shallow followers that hate on girls because they have on last year's Abercrombie low risers. You are interested in what people are thinking. The women that I grew up with who were independant thinkers are now the leaders in the community. Not the ones that were blabbing all the time about how interesting they were and going to all the cool parties.

I never started "feeling" interesting until I started hanging out with people who were into the same things I was into, whether they were cool or not. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but those followers will envy you guys, if they don't already. And you will feel pity for them because all they have is surface. That will come sooner than you think. For some reason all this stuff comes out in the wash, it just never happens right when we want it to.

In a nutshell: You all have diverse and interesting taste in music, literature, fashion, beauty and best of all ARE NOT BORING. Embrace your differences even though it's hard.

And I ask you. Is this not a confident self assured person:

{I'm older, but I'm still in highschool and I can totally relate to what Alyssa says, lol. Most of the girls in my highschool have the same style of clothing, it's like an uniform which mostly consists of... leggings, miniskirts and sequins! or the combo: skinny jeans + peep toe shoes. Like.. wtf, that's not only so 2006, but also.. let's just say that it shows a sheer lack of imagination. Well, that being the case.. I refuse to fit in. I completely reject the concept of herd follower, and I found a couple of girls who're not afraid to be themselves, have their own personality and be wild enough to think for themselves. Lucky me, I guess..
It's not that hard to personalize your looks.. and if people don't accept me the way I am (or dress) well.. their bad, I totally don't need this kind of narrow minded people anyway.
I don't say I'm a paria or something.. I think you can still fit in, and be accepted in a group, but without making compromises of this kind. - Lolita}

;)

Bottom line... Attitude is what makes you stand out, and your true quiddity shouldn't revlove around clothes and what others think about you.

Critty, no, never say that.. I know I might sound cheesy, but I really do care about your tips and advice, otherwise I wouldnt mind askin your opinion, or even come here so often! A little offtopic.. I try to login as often as I can, to be honest :) The atmosphere is warm, which made me speak my mind a little, while usually.. I'm pretty much of an introvert :))
The strange thing is that I know what I'm good at, I can pretty much self evaluate myself objectively and unbiasedly, and that's where I don't think that I'm not good enough :)
I tried asking other people who are close to me and whose opinion I care about, and.. they said really nice things, which helped me to sort out the things a little, but.. it didn't last forever, lol. Anyway, the cutest thing I've ever been told was that "i'm the best when i'm being myself" - my best friend told me that :D girrrls, thank you a lot. I just need to stop comparing myself with the way other people (which I think are cooler) are, and your lovely words convinced me of that even more.

:* :* :*